you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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