id be glad to
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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