We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
