I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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