Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
