1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The beer is more important than you right now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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