so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
