I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
