If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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