You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
