hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
