Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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