Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
