like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
