the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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