And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
