WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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