Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
