just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
