Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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