i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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