We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
