Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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