I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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