i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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