Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
