the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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