He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
