My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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