listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
