WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry about my life...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
