Don't you send me to vm
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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