I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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