I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
