You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In other news, I just burned my penis
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
