I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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