My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
