I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
