Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
