plz talk dirty to me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
