Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
