Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
