I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
