It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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