it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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