the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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