i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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