hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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