We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
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