You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
