i just wanna soil my oats bro
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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