I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
