Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
