dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
