im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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