just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
