did you get engaged???
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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