My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
